Talking to Imperials
by chisscientist
Summary: Conversations between and essays by citizens and soldiers of the Galactic Empire
1. Ch 1 About the Jedi

Two rather tipsy imperial officers discuss why their side always ends up with the most unpleasant force wielders.

Lieutenant Jecib Smyt snorted indignantly. "What do you mean you wish we had Luke Skywalker? He's the worst flaming Rebel of the lot!"

"All the rebels like him though, and he's loyal to them. Anyone here like Joruus C'Baoth? I met him once, and he gave me the creeps. As for Darth Vader, I've heard he'd as soon kill you as look at you." Second Lieutenant Tonas Biggs shuddered.

"Joruus C'Baoth was a right ryshcate, from all I've heard." Smyt said.

"Yeah." Both officers stare at the wall.

"Why does our side never have any force-wielders who are normal - like, you can imagine going out for a drink with them after a battle?" Biggs asked. "It's not fair."

"Skywalker's probably just as nasty as our lot – its rebel propaganda that they're otherwise. Power corrupts, you know." Smyt added knowingly.

"and absolute power… uh, never mind." Biggs went rather red. They both drank again.


	2. Ch 2 The Rebels are Evil!

Chapter 2: The Rebels are Evil!

The effects of propaganda on school essays.

The Empire Should Crack Down on the Rebels More Harshly.

Erin Veery

Grade 7

The rebels are evil. We know this because they attacked the Death Star, killing over 1 million people. That makes them murderers. If they were honorabel they would attack warships not a peaceful mining station. That makes them terrorists. The Empire is justified in stamping them out.

Some senators were protesting the Empires treatment of dissentors. The fate of the Death Star just goes to show how wrong they were. I bet some of them were traitors and were secretly working with the rebels. The Emperor dissolved the Senate as a result of this. Good first step, but we need to do more.

There may be rebels anywhere, so we all need to keep an eye out. A lot of rebels are aliens, so be specially wary of any aliens you meet. If they sound defeatist, or shut up whenever you come close, they may be worth reporting. Even the polite ones may be hiding something. Shifty, sneaky aliens, you can't trust any of them. Death to the rebels!

A/N Most of the bad spelling and grammar here is intentional. Aside from the above problems, propaganda has the unfortunate effect of giving people wrong information on which to base their conclusions. When this is combined with punishment of people who think outside the box, the result is often poor critical thinking. See the above essay for an example of the results of this combination.


	3. Ch 3 And what was that brawl about?

Talking to Imperials Talking to Imperials

Chapter 3: And what was that bar brawl about?

Captain Thrawn removes his over-loyal subordinates from a local jail.

Captain Thrawn walked past the guards and into the prison, following the guard who was guiding him. Somewhere in this prison were seven of his subordinate officers_. Brawling while drunk. Disgraceful. I wonder what excuse they will give me this time_, Thrawn wondered. _At least none of this particular group have brawled before, and nobody was hurt worse than_ _black eyes and bloody noses_. The guard turned left, and Thrawn followed, until they came to a larger cell, which the guard opened.

The officers inside were a most disreputable looking crowd. Lieutenant Chalmer's left eye was closed and black, his jacket was torn and dirty, and he was quite obviously still drunk. All of them were nursing rather obvious hangovers, except for Chalmer and Tanseng, who were both still drunk. "Come with me" Captain Thrawn said. They followed, like a troop of ducklings after their mother. Nobody spoke for quite some time.

As they settled into the shuttle for the journey back to the Admonitor, Captain Thrawn turned to them and stated "I do not put up with drunken brawling on the part of my subordinates. Explain. Now."

The officers looked at each other. Finally Chalmer spoke up. Apparently the drink was still making him somewhat incautious. "Sir, they were insulting you!"

Captain Thrawn looked at him, and said mildly, "go on." The sober ones were looking more nervous now rather than less. _Good_.

"They said you were an ugly alien freak, and should go back to whatever backwards planet you came from. It was that Or'Kensi fellow who said it, sir. The man's a bigot and needed to be taught a lesson. So I hit him." said Chalmer.

"I take it that this is when the bar brawl started?" Thrawn asked.

"Yes sir." answered Sublieutenant Kerr.

"So your defense for embarrassing the fleet by behaving like drunken idiots is that you were defending me against an equally drunk bigot?" asked Thrawn.

"Yes sir." answered Sublieutenant Kerr, looking trapped.

"While I appreciate your motivation, I cannot agree with your actions. Ignoring the man would be a much more effective way to make him and his ideas look stupid. Fighting makes you look poorly disciplined, and like he might have a point. Next time you hear such comments, ignore the person who made them. They are quite capable of damaging themselves without your help. You are hereby docked half your pay for the next month to pay for the repairs to the bar. Chalmer, you are docked all of your pay for the next month for being the first person to strike a blow." Captain Thrawn stated.

No one argued, and they rode in silence back to the Admonitor.


	4. Dinner with Darth Vader

Dinner with Darth Vader

Thrawn followed Vader as they picked their way through the fancy restaurant, followed by the official storm trooper bodyguards and the unofficial but more useful Noghri version. As they approached, conversations stopped and people either turned to watch them or become extremely interested in their meals. _They probably think that we are coming to arrest somebody_, Thrawn thought. _As if both of us don't have better things to do with our time..._

They sat down at a table on the glass floor looking down out over the city. The restaurant as Vader's choice. It was certainly a beautiful spot, but it was a very good thing Thrawn wasn't afraid of heights. Many would have found it disconcerting watching the lights of speeders passing beneath their feet into an invisible distance.

Thrawn picked up the menu and leafed through it, looking first and foremost for things that would not interfere with the peculiarities of the chiss digestive tract. Fortunately the menu was extensive and there would be no trouble avoiding raw root and leaf vegetables. He had picked by the time the waiter returned.

The man was visibly nervous, but it would not have been noticeable to most. The minute over-attentiveness, and the slightly strained smile were the only signs. "Are you ready to order yet, my lords?"

"I'll have my usual," said Darth Vader. "With the Moonglow dessert." Vader turned to Thrawn. "Have you tried Moonglow?"

"Not yet," said Thrawn.

"You should try it," said Darth Vader. "It is excellent here."

"I'm sure I shall enjoy the experience," said Thrawn. Since Moonglow was a fruit, and cooked at that, it should not present a problem. Darth Vader always insisted on living on the wild side, and he turned everything into a challenge whether was necessary or not. Those serving under him had to live with it. Or die with it, if they got unlucky.

As they waited, they discussed military matters. Nothing too sensitive, although since the nearest tables had mysteriously been vacated since they arrived and the security of the place was excellent it would have been easy to be unheard if they had wished it. Thrawn wasn't precisely sure why Darth Vader had invited him here, but he doubted he was simply dining out in celebration of their latest victory.

Dinner arrived. Thrawn was interested to see that the restaurant had found a way of making liquefied food eaten with a straw look appetizing. Probably why the Sith lord was fond of this restaurant. The food was excellent, and they both ceased speaking a while to concentrate on it. It certainly made a change from shipside rations.

After the main course, the Moonglow arrived. It tasted just as good as advertised, as well as being beautifully presented on a bed of leaves and flowers. Somewhat like mango, but slightly tarter and less sweet. After he'd eaten a few bites, Thrawn realized he had a problem. His lips were tingling, and his throat was starting to feel somewhat tight. Surely it could not have been badly prepared to the point of poisoning ... Darth Vader didn't seem to be showing any ill effects, although telling through that suit was challenging.

_Now what? Firstly, definitely stop eating. Now how to explain this to lord Vader without looking weak and useless? Weak and useless things near Darth Vader have a tendency to die. _Thrawn took a sip of water from the glass in front of him, hoping that that might ease the tightness in his throat. He choked.

Vader looked at him. "Should I call medical?" Thrawn managed to swallow most of the water but it was a few seconds before he could get his voice to answer.

Meanwhile, a child three tables away piped up "Do we get to see lord Vader choke the alien admiral? I want to watch!"

Vader turned to look at the child. "I do not force-choke people for the amusement of unpleasant children." Vader looked back at Thrawn, then touched his com button and summoned an ambulance.

Thrawn concentrated on breathing, not trusting his voice to work properly. How extremely embarrassing this all was. A stormtrooper hauled him to his feet and supported him as he followed Vader to the door, everyone in the restaurant staring after them.


End file.
